I am only 5 weeks into school and I feel like this semester should be over! Going to college at 16 and going to college at 22 are two totally different things. I feel like I use so much more brain power now, because I don't take what the teachers or students say as fact and since I am attending a very liberal school this leaves me with a massive headache by the end of the day. I have yet to find my niche at this school, which has made the transition rather difficult. Not being single and adding the fact that I've been married almost 4 years makes finding my niche THAT much harder! But God is faithful and for now I am doing my best to trust that His hands are all over the blue-print of my life. Blogging is not a priority in my life right now, but its a nice release every now and then.
"...my weakness is that I care too much..." I fear this will always be my weakness. I remember years ago, my youth pastor's wife told me to never lose my emotion, because it was what set me apart. Sometimes I feel it sets me too far apart and its to big of a burden to carry.
I had a rough time sleeping last night. God is tugging at my heart. His voice can be so comforting, yet so piercing. The closer I get to God, the more I become aware of humanity and their pain. I allow this to scare me away, sometimes for weeks at a time...but God knows where I am. I love the group Casting Crowns because their songs share the story of my heart.
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
As usual, my blog posting is so infrequent I probably shouldn't even call this a blog. This should probably be my form of a yearly newsletter I send out to people that have forgotten my existance. :)
As most of you know, lately I have been too busy to even pick up my phone, so updating my blog is the last thing on my mind. This morning, I sit here with work caught up (for the next 30 minutes at least) and a cup of coffee. Time to share...
The past few weeks I have really been thinking about what it means to be content. Alanis Morissette has a song called "That I Would Be Good" I recommend listening to it, but here are the lyrics.
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
I'm a strong believer that we choose our level of happiness. The past few weeks have been crazy for Caleb and me. He is miserable at IBM, so we are looking at other options for him. We have started a new business, courtneyhurd.com , I still have my current job which is getting very busy now that summer has started and we are both going back to school this summer. But, through it all we have chosen to do our best to have a positive outlook and enjoy the few rare moments we get to see each other! :)
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Phillipians 4:11-13
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" ~Hebrews 13:5-6
On a side note, CONGRATULATIONS AUTUMN!!
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
(please excuse the poor picture quality...we're buying a new camera this week...)
Lauren drew this picture about two years ago for me. It sits on my bookshelf in my office where I can see it everyday.
At the bottom she put a quote..."And she doesn't care what they say about her because she realized: they don't know anything." Weeks like these, I see this picture and I smile. Because its true.
Thank you Lauren.
We had a busy, busy weekend!
Caleb and I have decided we are going to start biking/cycling for a hobby! There are alot of trails around here, so we're going to take advantage of it! Our only problem so far has been deciding what type of bike to get. The choice is mountain, hybrid, or street bike. The majority of our biking will be on concrete roads, but there are a few trails that are dirt. Caleb really wants to go with mountain bikes, but I'm leaning towards the hybrid...decisions decisions! So we spent the majority of Saturday looking at bikes!!
We also bought a new ceiling fan for our bedroom and Caleb put up shelves in my office and my guest closet! Yeah!
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