"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin
This quote perfectly describes how I feel right now. There are so many things I want to do...am capable of doing...that I haven't done yet, because of the risks. I know God has amazing plans for me, but sometimes I'm scared to know, so I begin to avoid Him. This begins to create an even deeper void. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, looking at the beautiful valley below, but I'm not fully ready to experience it yet.
Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
Do you believe, in the day that you were born tell me do you believe
And Do you know, that everydays the first of the rest of your life
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us
So don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
And you can tell me all your thoughts about the stars that fill the moon lit skies
Show me where you run to when no one's left to take your side
Don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
No I don't wanna know
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Caleb made us blueberry pancakes the other night...
Isaac and Tim came to visit... :)
It started off with him sorta....bowing...
And ended adorable...as usual. Lauren & Tim, you made a beautiful baby! :)
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?
Ah, the night is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come and play
Ah, I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
Wow, the subject is so me! For someone that is so OCD and such a planner, I tend to procrastinate ALOT. I push lots of things to the last minute, especially work. When I'm programming a report card, I program much faster if I'm under a level of pressure. I don't know why I do this to myself though. Typically it ends up with 5 report cards all being needed in one day and all of them taking way longer than I planned! But...I don't learn my lesson. I keep doing it. Like right now...I am totally procrastinating. I need to be working, excercising, cleaning, writing my publix list, finishing my wedding album (talk about procrastinating!) or just plain reading a book, but I'm online...just thinking...just procrastinating...
...some dance to remember, some dance to forget...
We're already halfway through January! Incredible! I'm excited about this year. I feel like God really has some great things in store for Caleb and me.
We are prayerfully considering attending a church down here regularly. We visited last week and really enjoyed it. So many people came up to us and introduced themselves. We've visited a couple of churches the past few months and no one has introduced themselves to us! This church is very focused on "small church" and keeping body life alive, which Caleb and I believe is very important!!
I'm weighing some options to further my education. Microsoft offers some online courses to get certified in different programs for a small fee. It will be a lot of work though, so I'm still deciding. :)
For more regular updates visit my thrifywife blog. That's my hobby at this point, lol. :)
The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity. ~André Gide
Somewhere there's a stolen halo, I use to watch her wear it well, Everything would shine wherever she would go, But looking at her now you'd never tell...Someone ran away with her innocence, A memory she can't get out of her head, I can only imagine what she's feeling, When she's praying, Kneeling at the edge of her bed...
Wow, Thanksgiving came and went. I ended up doing the majority of the cooking. Here are some pictures from the day...
So, Jessica Simpson has recently branched into country music...which is interesting to say the least. But, she has a song that has been playing on the radio quite a bit lately called Remember That. I think its a good reminder for anyone that's been in an abusive relationship. I've seen too many friends stay way too long...
I strongly believe that the first time your significant other physically harms you, should be the last time. I actually feel the same way about emotional and spiritual abuse as well, but some see that as a grey area.
Here are the lyrics.
Remember
How he told you you were stupid
How he couldn't even look at you anymore
Remember
How he told you you were crazy
How he got out of the car and slammed the door
He said you can't do anything right
Why you gotta make me so mad
Just get outta my sight
Remember that
When it's 3 am and he's at your door
And he wants you back and he's begging for forgivness
Remember that
When your phone keeps ringing all night long
And that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless
Remember that
Remember
How he pushed you in the hallway
Just enough to hurt a little bit
Remember
The whiskey in his whispers
And the lies that fell so easy from his lips
He said he'll never do it again
But you can't take it back
The proof is on your skin
Remember that
When it's 3 am and he's at your door
And he wants you back and he's begging for forgivness
Remember that
When your phone keeps ringing all night long
And that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless
Remember that
It doesn't matter how he hurts you,
With his hands or with his words
You don't deserve it, it ain't worth it
Take your heart and run
When it's 3am and he's at your door
And he wants you back and he's begging for forgivness
Remember that
When your phone keeps ringing all night long
And that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless
Remember that, remember that
Oh remember that
Remember
You're gonna be all right
Take it from me I've stood there in your shoes
I've been tagged by Ayla and La to participate in a blog game. The rules are:
Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write Six Random Things about yourself.
Tag a few other people at the bottom of the post.
Leave comments on their blogs, letting them know they've been tagged!
Let the person who tagged you know when you've written the post.
1. I have a For Sale By Owner house sign, sitting in my office. It's been sitting in my office for over a month. I can't decide whether to put it in my front yard or not.
2. Strangers assume Caleb and I are brother and sister.
3. I love to shop with coupons, more than shop for clothes.
4. I want to be involved in foster care.
5. I have been working on my wedding scrapbook for almost 3 years. I am dissapointed in myself.
6. I plan vacations all the time, but rarely follow through and actually go!
Caleb and I drove up to SC Friday evening. What typically takes us 2.5 hours, took us almost 4 hours. Traffic was terrible!!
Friday night we had dinner and played games. Saturday we went grocery shopping, to lunch, and then Lauren, _____, and I had our monthly bookclub meeting. The book was "The Other Side of The Sun" which was interestingly enough, pretty good. I will only read it once though, because I'm not disturbed. :) Then Will, Jesse, Michael, Shannon, and Nick came over to have a cookout with us. Again, we had dinner and played games. It was a great, relaxing weekend!
Isaac loves to 'talk' on the phone.
In less than 2 weeks I will be here...
It could not possibly come soon enough.
You say it's all in my head, And the things I think just don't make sense, So where you been then? Don't go all coy, Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault, See I can see that look in your eyes, The one that shoots me each and every time
Wow this has been a crazy week. Right now my job role is to create templates for a database to populate with report card information. This is a very busy week with lots of deadlines, but as of now I am done until Monday morning. I tend to never actually stop working...working while I watch tv at night, working saturday afternoon, sunday evening, but this weekend I am not working! :)
Tim, Lauren, Caleb, and I (and maybe Isaac :) are going to FL at the end of the month, so I'm just counting down the days!
I've been thinking the past week...how few people really know me. I can count on one hand the people that know me and understand me. I've also realized how many people have been so quick to judge me and write me off. Growing up, I have always been someone that does what I think is right, regardless as to what people say about me. It's amazing to me, how even as my peers reach adulthood, they still see this as "so uncool." Somedays I wish I could just be what the majority of people want me to be, just so I can leave the "different box", but that isn't what God has for me.
Caleb's parents wrote me off, as soon as Caleb decided he wanted to marry me. I wasn't what they wanted for Caleb, so we were cut off. They never gave themselves a chance to get to know me, because I didn't fit in their "independent fundamental baptist box." This continues to sadden me, not so much because they aren't in our life, but because they are missing out on knowing their son, who continues to become a more amazing person every day.
One of my best friends got married. His spouse decided to write Caleb and I off instantly, the reason still unknown. One wonderful friendship was cut off and one friendship was never even given the chance to be discovered.
But through it all, I have so much to be thankful for; a wonderful husband, a loving and accepting family, and some amazing best friends! I think God that He has given me the strength to be a real person and to not be ashamed to share who I really am.
Enjoy this weekend! Do something fun!
This is Taylor Swift's new song, "White Horses" that premiered on Grey's Anatomy's premiere. You can listen to a clip on Taylor Swift's myspace page. It is a very pretty song.
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know
[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around
And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now
Wow, I remember Paddington books! I'm so glad Google is so helpful in reminding us of these important events! :)
New Blog...(I'm keeping this one too!)
http://thriftywife.blogspot.com
Please look at my previous post of the picture with Lauren, Caleb, Tim and Isaac and post a comment saying "LAUREN, YOUR FACE IS NOT FAT!!!"
A recent picture of Caleb and me...
Well today we finally received the check from the courthouse. It has officially been a year since we started this process and we are glad its over.
This weekend Tim and Lauren came down to visit. That was fun. :)
Isaac has begun giving hugs! It's so cute!!!
The world is a scary place right now. Very little gas to be had anywhere. We passed close to 20 gas stations on Saturday with absolutely no gas. We finally found some and sat in a line.... 
Tonight I am singing......When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Yah! I got $90 worth of groceries for $30! I love good deals! :)
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